Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
