you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
