Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
