I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
