im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
