why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
