Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize