Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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