yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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