dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize