I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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