Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize