Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
