The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
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She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
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I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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