I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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