Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
