3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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