dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize