I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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