Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
