he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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