I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
