and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
