theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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