So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
