You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
