he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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