My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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