My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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