im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize