May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
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The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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