you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
