Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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