you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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