I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So here I am, sexting at work.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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