I think my vagina is haunted
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize