But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
