covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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