worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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