i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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