i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
