i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
