Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
