i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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