You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
