Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
