In America we eat man semen.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
