so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
