ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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