i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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