i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
