I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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