i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
