I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
