The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
