Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
