yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
