I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
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I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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